I graduated today
with the most wonderful group of people.
I love you all
Ashley Landry, Jessica DeCoste, Dawn Boudrot,
and the boys,
you've made the past year unforgettable.
All the best in whatever you do
you can make it, no matter what you do.
See you around <3
Love always,
Kiddo.
Friday, June 25, 2010
WHATS TODAY!?
while scrambling around the house this morning-
packing all our belongings for ingonish in a few suitcases and a couple duffel bags,
moving around our lives and making big decisions,
it hit me that i'm GRADUATING. TODAY.
so anyways, last night just before bed, i walked downstairs
and starting singing this improv version of "can't touch this"
with all the lyrics matching with graduation.
my father threw me this look that clearly says "I love you, and I'm proud of you but stop singing that song"
instead of getting my feathers ruffled, I ran up to him screaming
"WHATS TOMMOROW!?"
he mumbles "graaaaddd dayyyyy" and smiles.
so I bounced upstairs and whisper to my mother:
"whats tommorow!?"
and she mumbles "grraaaaddd day" and smiles.
this morning when I woke up, I skipped in the room doing the
Ice Ice Baby dance and screamed "WHATS TODAYYYYYY!?"
effectively waking them up
and knowing I would persist until I got the desired effect they hollered
"GRAAAAAD DAYYYYYYYY"
the moral of the story is, every now and again today,
I holler "WHATS TODAYYYYYY!?"
and my parents scream "GRAAAAD DAYYYY"
and we all start laughing.
its grad day. <3
packing all our belongings for ingonish in a few suitcases and a couple duffel bags,
moving around our lives and making big decisions,
it hit me that i'm GRADUATING. TODAY.
so anyways, last night just before bed, i walked downstairs
and starting singing this improv version of "can't touch this"
with all the lyrics matching with graduation.
my father threw me this look that clearly says "I love you, and I'm proud of you but stop singing that song"
instead of getting my feathers ruffled, I ran up to him screaming
"WHATS TOMMOROW!?"
he mumbles "graaaaddd dayyyyy" and smiles.
so I bounced upstairs and whisper to my mother:
"whats tommorow!?"
and she mumbles "grraaaaddd day" and smiles.
this morning when I woke up, I skipped in the room doing the
Ice Ice Baby dance and screamed "WHATS TODAYYYYYY!?"
effectively waking them up
and knowing I would persist until I got the desired effect they hollered
"GRAAAAAD DAYYYYYYYY"
the moral of the story is, every now and again today,
I holler "WHATS TODAYYYYYY!?"
and my parents scream "GRAAAAD DAYYYY"
and we all start laughing.
its grad day. <3
Thursday, June 24, 2010
18 years later
yesterday was prom day.
tommorow is grad day.
a day in between to contemplate the enormity of these situations.
we'll get by and we'll make it through
and i'll miss everyone who walked with me on this road
but i'll be smiling with you guys every step of the way
this is just another phase in life-
and i cant imagine a better group of people to end it with.
<3
excessive fist-pumping and major life lovin'
this is me and my grad march partner. this year, the grads decided to surprise all the onlookers by throwing off the classical music with a sudden remix of all the songs of 2009 and dancing it up the aisle. it was an amazing way to kick off prom. so this is me and Patrick Butler coming down the aisle before, as the title says, "excessive fist-pumping and major life lovin'". its my favorite picture.
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Sunday, June 20, 2010
heartbreak warfare.
today,
can only be described in the following words.
today,
i feel like after learning to drive an automatic
and driving an automatic for years
someone has come along
and plucked me from my safety zone
with its simple shifting and smooth driving-
and thrown me into a standard
and told me to drive down the road
and all i can do is
stall.
its the worst drive in the world
and i'm not a bad driver
but you need time to get used to something
do it maybe a few times
before you're safe enough to try it in the real world.
this is not a smooth ride,
this is not easy on my troubled and panicked mind,
and i can't stop stalling the car.
maybe it'll be good for me
at the end of the road.
can only be described in the following words.
today,
i feel like after learning to drive an automatic
and driving an automatic for years
someone has come along
and plucked me from my safety zone
with its simple shifting and smooth driving-
and thrown me into a standard
and told me to drive down the road
and all i can do is
stall.
its the worst drive in the world
and i'm not a bad driver
but you need time to get used to something
do it maybe a few times
before you're safe enough to try it in the real world.
this is not a smooth ride,
this is not easy on my troubled and panicked mind,
and i can't stop stalling the car.
maybe it'll be good for me
at the end of the road.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
all your dreams got lost or traded.
secrets.
we make them,
we keep them,
we whisper them in the dark.
secrets.
the rush of air escaping locked lips
after the relief-
after its been said
falling to someone else's ears
lets never speak of this again.
the hushed words
the stolen glances
inescapably,
its no longer only on your shoulders.
secrets.
the enormity of trust
the constant of faith
i would trust you forever
with everything
but i'm afraid with every piece
i give you of myself
you'll figure it out-
you'll see me better than i'll ever see myself.
but heres the real secret:
i know myself best.
secrets.
heres the real secret:
its all about perspective.
we make them,
we keep them,
we whisper them in the dark.
secrets.
the rush of air escaping locked lips
after the relief-
after its been said
falling to someone else's ears
lets never speak of this again.
the hushed words
the stolen glances
inescapably,
its no longer only on your shoulders.
secrets.
the enormity of trust
the constant of faith
i would trust you forever
with everything
but i'm afraid with every piece
i give you of myself
you'll figure it out-
you'll see me better than i'll ever see myself.
but heres the real secret:
i know myself best.
secrets.
heres the real secret:
its all about perspective.
Friday, June 18, 2010
you're cool as hell, i'm your biggest fan
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please, make it bigger so you can see the embarassing faces im capable of making ;)
you have stolen my heart
if i turned around and looked back at ingonish fading away
every time i left,
it would break my heart, every single time.
to every one else, it is a simple (albeit beautiful) little town.
its the same idea as every other little town on this little island.
but it takes my breath away.
the endless, countless, infinite memories,
every first and every last
every favorite moment and pounding heart
for me has exsisted in this place
the place itself, and the people
the familiar faces i have loved since the beginning
they make me feel like i belong right there
its nothing obvious. not to anyone else.
and, i never get sick of the view
i will never get used to the mountains, one after the other
reaching bigger than the endless azure sky
the stretch of ocean as far as the eye can see
the panoramic view of the stars at night
the feeling that you are at the top of the world.
i love this place
god, i love it.
i live to be there,
i live for summer.
you have stolen my heart.
every time i left,
it would break my heart, every single time.
to every one else, it is a simple (albeit beautiful) little town.
its the same idea as every other little town on this little island.
but it takes my breath away.
the endless, countless, infinite memories,
every first and every last
every favorite moment and pounding heart
for me has exsisted in this place
the place itself, and the people
the familiar faces i have loved since the beginning
they make me feel like i belong right there
its nothing obvious. not to anyone else.
and, i never get sick of the view
i will never get used to the mountains, one after the other
reaching bigger than the endless azure sky
the stretch of ocean as far as the eye can see
the panoramic view of the stars at night
the feeling that you are at the top of the world.
i love this place
god, i love it.
i live to be there,
i live for summer.
you have stolen my heart.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
apple trees
when we are little girls, we look up to someone.
we dream of princesses, and fairytales, and castles.
i grew up in an old, tall, beautiful apple tree in my yard.
it was my castle and she was my princess.
when i was five years old this is what i decided.
it was my castle and she was my princess.
when i was five years old this is what i decided.
Audrey Hepburn, 1950's movie star
and most classic beauty to walk the face of the earth.
this is still who i look up to. this is who i strive to be.
and most classic beauty to walk the face of the earth.
this is still who i look up to. this is who i strive to be.
rest in peace, Audrey.
prom night preparation
this is my hair.. i've known for sometime now.
just picture it really really dark brown and slightly less messy
for the required vintage look to match my dress
you need red lips. just sayin.
strapless black gowns, yay!
chandelier earrings
voila! retro prom!
Monday, June 7, 2010
when you're gone, colors seem to fade
people have been asking me for a while now why everything to do with names relating to me are all "a panoramic heart".
i know it seems corny.. maybe a little stupid,
and a lot of people don't actually get it.
so eventually, i'll get around to the little inspirational twist that made me get that name.
but first..
i'm graduating this year.
and as i say that i'm holding my breath.
its good, don't get me wrong..
it might even be great.
i'm excited and nervous and all the appropriate emotions rush to the surface when
i say it..
but its big. its huge,
and because we are only seveteen and apparently lacking the ability to realize the full extent of what this means,
or the experience to know what will come with it
and the magical gift to see into the future,
it is "big",
but i don't know how big.
and that, that does scare me.
twelve years of consistent patterns and classes and being on a 9-3 schedule has left a lot of people at a loss.
and, were leaving all these great people.
people who were strangers, four years ago, now know our deepest, darkest secrets.
we have loved, we have lost. we have fought and lived big and we have soaked up moments.. and people have mattered, to the extent that we can let them. some, more than others.
i have done all these things and more,
and when the time comes to walk away,
i will be as ready as possible, and it will be enough.
i'm not saying it won't hurt, but right now,
the focus is on all the amazing things that are coming.
the bad things,
the worst and best days
and the friends and people i will love and lose.
i have big, BIG plans for my life
and whether they succeed or not the past few years of my life have been about
learning to let people in and
learning to be a person who deserves people- great people in my life
so no matter what these dreams are
no matter where i end up-
at the end of the day, i am happy and loved.
and i have people who care about me..
literally, no matter what.
so the panoramic heart name?
we all know what panoramic means.. but just to be sure, lets give a definition.
panoramic: having great or certain view from all sides.
what high school, what life has taught me most up to this point is to look at the bigger picture.
people have given me pieces and i've put together the puzzle..
and stepping back i realize its who i am.
right now i know there are several people reading this who have been major pieces to this puzzle.
and not only do i love them for reading my random thoughts,
i love them because they are everything i write about. at the end of the day, whether they realize it or not- whether they are scared of distance from the most important people in their lives
one day it won't matter, because at the end of the day they are most definitely loved.
graduation date: t-18 days.
i'm so, so ready.
i know it seems corny.. maybe a little stupid,
and a lot of people don't actually get it.
so eventually, i'll get around to the little inspirational twist that made me get that name.
but first..
i'm graduating this year.
and as i say that i'm holding my breath.
its good, don't get me wrong..
it might even be great.
i'm excited and nervous and all the appropriate emotions rush to the surface when
i say it..
but its big. its huge,
and because we are only seveteen and apparently lacking the ability to realize the full extent of what this means,
or the experience to know what will come with it
and the magical gift to see into the future,
it is "big",
but i don't know how big.
and that, that does scare me.
twelve years of consistent patterns and classes and being on a 9-3 schedule has left a lot of people at a loss.
and, were leaving all these great people.
people who were strangers, four years ago, now know our deepest, darkest secrets.
we have loved, we have lost. we have fought and lived big and we have soaked up moments.. and people have mattered, to the extent that we can let them. some, more than others.
i have done all these things and more,
and when the time comes to walk away,
i will be as ready as possible, and it will be enough.
i'm not saying it won't hurt, but right now,
the focus is on all the amazing things that are coming.
the bad things,
the worst and best days
and the friends and people i will love and lose.
i have big, BIG plans for my life
and whether they succeed or not the past few years of my life have been about
learning to let people in and
learning to be a person who deserves people- great people in my life
so no matter what these dreams are
no matter where i end up-
at the end of the day, i am happy and loved.
and i have people who care about me..
literally, no matter what.
so the panoramic heart name?
we all know what panoramic means.. but just to be sure, lets give a definition.
panoramic: having great or certain view from all sides.
what high school, what life has taught me most up to this point is to look at the bigger picture.
people have given me pieces and i've put together the puzzle..
and stepping back i realize its who i am.
right now i know there are several people reading this who have been major pieces to this puzzle.
and not only do i love them for reading my random thoughts,
i love them because they are everything i write about. at the end of the day, whether they realize it or not- whether they are scared of distance from the most important people in their lives
one day it won't matter, because at the end of the day they are most definitely loved.
graduation date: t-18 days.
i'm so, so ready.
Friday, June 4, 2010
cha cha cha
so, today i ripped my brand new tights.
instead of being bummed, i saw it for what it was:
photo opp!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
haaa-fax
in the city, i have a newly discovered love of Cinnabon, which i tried for the first time this weekend (i'm hooked for life); Attica, which is what i plan for my apartment/house to look like at some point in my life, and if i happen to become famous i may just buy the whole four floors and live there.. seriously; JMD Bookstore which, if you are a book lover, you'd probably die a happy death after spending just ten minutes in there, and if you're not a reader, well, you can just enjoy the sheer fascination of wall-to-wall, ceiling-to-ceiling collection of books.. probably the biggest fire hazard in the history of the world and if you're claustrophobic, stand clear.. but i literally think i drooled. i cannot express my love. love love love love.; and last, but not least, Perks which is an old favorite- we have a strong relationship already. and by the way, the 60 cents for extra whip cream on hot chocolate- totally worth it.
i think i'm gonna love the city.
i think i'm gonna love the city.
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