i don't love you but i always will

walking away is the hardest thing
because with each step
i know it will get even harder to keep going
instead of easier.
my mind is focused on what i imagine is you,
only so few steps away from my retreating back
and it does seem easier to turn around
it seems easier to give in.
luckily, i've always been blessed with hindsight
and the benefit of the doubt
that i'm afraid i can't give you.
and i know you feel the same.
i'm being pulled so many ways i don't know
if the pieces will ever fit the same again
sort of like how, we don't fit right any more.
we used to be like a puzzle-
pieces made, one for the other. taking a step back
it was so much bigger. so beautiful.
and even if i wanted to turn back now,
my feet are unstoppable.
i will keep moving until i get so far away
that all that is left is a thought of you for every day-
so you know that even with the distance
i think of you.
so you know that i'm not being selfish
i'm cutting the strings that held us so tight
so i'm left with the severed lines.
so you can walk away without baggage.
so you can be left without any proof of how strong
how worn
how beautiful those strings were.
i'm not being selfish.

i never had a choice, but i'd still choose you.

the temper trap.

i want so much to open your eyes

cause i need you to look into mine.

open your eyes.

i have a truth to share with the world before i fall asleep tonight. 

it's something we all have inside of us. 

ironically, the thing i'm about to tell you

and the reason i'm telling you

do not make sense.

they are complete opposites and if you really

really put them together,

they make no sense at all.

so here it is:

i am afraid. 

i am afraid of, alot of things. 

i am afraid that what i do, may not be good enough.

i'm afraid that what i say, when it really means something,

when everyone is listening

will not be worth listening to. 

and i am afraid of letting go.

the free fall from comfort

to trust is a long, fast

scary fall and i've yet to let go and 

take the fall

these days because the last time i did

the person i fell for

who promised he would wait at the bottom and catch me

had left me

to fall alone and hit nothing but 

cold ground.

his arms were busy catching someone else.

the scars never really fade. at least not in my eyes.

the pain.. goes away.

time.. well it catches up.

and i never said i was in love.

i never said the word love.

but that didn't make the fall hurt any less.

people tell me all the time to just let go

to take that leap and it might be worth it

these people have not taken the time

to judge the distance. 

because when it comes to free-falling,

it saves alot of pain to just 

be sure.

be sure that arms will be there to grab you.

whether it's friendship

lovers

family.

because those people?

those people are really worth having.

those people might only be around for a little while

but they are the people you never forget.

don't be crazy enough to fall a second time

for a person who didn't catch you on the first fall.

the scars left inside

should be deep.

but the emotional scar should tell you

that no matter how much you want to edge towards the cliff and feel 

the insane rush of the drop..

it's better to stay on solid ground.

so. while i admit

that i am scared, most of the time.

i am not scared to admit how afraid i am.

and i think.. that might just make me brave.

it's okay to be scared. it's not okay to walk away

without admitting you did something wrong.

open your eyes. 

make sure,

you aren't going to be alone at the bottom,

or don't take the fall.

joy williams.

i'm gonna love you, baby come rain or shine.

poster of a girl.

without sparkles.

i love photographing this girl.

best friends.

crooked teeth.

photo credit: carley burke

girl in the picture(s): me :)

your ghost.

photo credit: carley burke

"hey there little guy!"

spring, indoors.

firs grad pictures done, ever.

where's waldo?

the haley macphee ultimate playlist.

let's start with the familiar, childhood friends:

blue rodeo (head over heels is a personal favorite, i used to dance around my living room with our light up frosty the snowman. it was also how i learned, as a two year old, how to fully control my dad's stacked surround sound music player)

brakin' tradition (my dad's band when he lived in halifax, i grew up on music man and sleepy head, i think my mom is pregnant for me in some of their videos)

cyril macphee (my good ol' papa bear himself. i don't love his music because it's familiar, or because he's my father. i love it because it soothes me and he has one of the most beautiful voices i've ever heard. i could not be more proud)

sons of skye (my uncle malcie's band)

alison krauss & union station (her sweet, sweet voice and their beautiful melodies are personally, my favorite to listen to 24/7)

the eagles (nuff said)

the nitty gritty dirt band (will the circle, be unbroken?)

stan rogers

dave gunning/jp cormier/natalie mcmaster/cape breton music in general

america; dougie maclean; new grass revival; jim croche; john denver; john prine; crosby, stills and nash; cassandra vasik; nancy griffith; tim o'brien; bread; patty loveless; jd crow; tony rice; ricky skaggs (the whites); dolly parton; elton john; beegees; fleetwood mac; james taylor; johnathon edwards;  don maclean; jackson browne; simon and garfunkel; gordon lightfoot; paul brady; dan fogelberg; seals and crofts; accoustic horizon.. many more.


soft, sweet sounds (good cover music for all you lovers out there)
ray lamontagne (trouble, shelter, gossip in the grain, i go all to pieces.. its all good. he is my god. haha)
jack savoretti (no one's aware)
catherine feeny (hurricane glass, i come home, mr.blue)
matthew perryman jones (rain or shine,beneath the silver moon, save you, feels like letting go)
katie herzig (fools gold, where the road meets the sun)
john mayer (all of it. absolutley everything- your body is a wonderland & why georgia)
joy williams (a little bit of love, speaking a dead language, sunny day)
priscilla ahn (dream)
greg laswell (everything)
jill barber (never quit lovin' you, hardl ine, brown eyes)
meiko (reasons to love you)
gavin degraw (we belong together)
regina spektor (the call, on the radio)
norah jones (come away with me, turn me on, don't know why)
monsters of folk (anything & everything- the sandman, the brakeman..; i will be there when you die)
cat power (sea of love, lived in bars)
bon iver (skinny love, creature fear)
ari hest (when and if, i've got you)
william fitzsimmons (even now)
fleet foxes (winter hymnal)
fiest (mushaboom, 1234, the park, secret heart, my moon my man)
serena ryder (all for love, little bit of red)
iron & wine (sodom south georgia, flightless bird, passing afternoon, love and some verses.. EVERYTHING)
terra naomi (say it's possible)
the weepies (nobody knows me at all, world spins madly on, somebody loved, hideaway)
foy vance (gabriel and the vagabond, indiscriminate act of kindness, two shades of hope)
ingrid michealson (maybe, the way i am, keep breathing, you & i)
tegan & sara (back in your head, walking with a ghost)
sarah siskind (falling stars)
city & color (everything- the girl)
erin mccarley (pony, pitterpat)
damien rice (delicate, cannonball, volcano, the blower's daughter)
schuyler fisk (hello)
charlotte sometimes (build the moon, ex-girlfriend syndrome)
fiction family (not sure, war in my blood, when she's near)
wallis bird (the circle, slow down)
paolo nutini (ee'rthang: candy, caledonia, last request, jenny don't be hasty)
jack johnson (banana pancakes, better together, sitting wishing waiting)
imogen heap (favorite.. just download everything)
ben taylor (i try)
joshua radin (i'd rather be with you, sky)
rosi golan (hazy)
rachel yamagata (be your love)
kate walsh (your song)
brandi carlile (the story, what can i say)
alexi murdoch (all my days, orange sky, love you more, breathe)
joe purdy (i love the rain, the city, wash away)
rosie thomas (farewell, let myself fall)
missy higgins (going north, warm whispers)
leona naess (charm attack, heavy like sunday, swing gently)
lenka (the show, trouble is a friend, skipalong, force of nature.. anything really. <3 her voice)
butterfly boucher (a bitter song)
kate havnevik (timeless, unlike me, grace)
matt kearny (closer to love, breathe in breathe out)
matt nathanson (wedding dress, come on get higher, car crash)
anna nalick (in my head, shine, catalyst)


and others:

dashboard confessional (while i love everything.. stolen hits so close to home. my favorite)
the weakerthans (left and leaving)
the fray (everything- syndicate)
snow patrol (everything)
train (drops of jupiter, hey soul sister)
collective soul (run, december)
needtobreathe (more time)
muse (supermassive black hole, hysteria)
oasis (stop crying your heart out, champagne supernova, don't look back in anger)
modest mouse (float on, parting of the sensory)
john butler trio (fire in the sky)
sam roberts (errrthing, y'all)
swell season (low rising, into the mystic)
mobile (dusting down the stars)
joel plaskett emergency (nowhere with you, through and through)
dave matthews band (crash into me)
the trews (man of two minds, hold me in your arms)
foo fighters (learn to fly)
temper trap (sweet disposition, fader)
sister hazel (your winter)
death cab for cutie (i will follow you, crooked teeth, title and registration)
we are scientists (after hours <3 )
raconteurs (steady as she goes, carolina drama)
the white stripes (icky thump, jolene, you don't know what love is)
the artic monkeys (fluorescent adolescent, i bet you look good on the dancefloor)
coldplay (violet hill, viva la vida, clocks, the scientest, i saw sparks)







classic, beautiful women with classic, beautiful voices

rosemary clooney
audrey hepburn
ella fitzgerald
billie holiday


oldies.

johnny cash
willie nelson
the highway men
tragically hip
eurythmics
pink floyd
CCR
pearl jam
america
guns n' roses
bob dylan




there you go guys! that is what my ipod consists of (including ALOT more).. if i think of more i will post them, so keep checkin' if you like these songs :)
ps. the song titles in paragraphs are not exactly my reccomendations, but they are the first song/songs i heard BY the artist!
love love love music. always.