i have to actually feel something.

So, blog followers, I am in what you could say is a "rut" (rut - an uncomfortable situation in which there is no easy way out).
I have to draw. I have to draw for my life. And that may sound melodramatic and a very 17-year-old thing to say, but in truth my next few years of life depends on 20 pages of my messy, scrawly drawings. It's so bizzare that even the logic of the situation seems absurd. Things I would have complained about before? I'm not complaining anymore- they seem easy.
Because you see, art is the one thing that requires every single bit of emotion you can muster up. It is freeing and it is beautiful and it is expressive for all those reasons. When I get a camera in my hand, the emotion just happens, and then its hard to pry the camera away. When I get a pencil or peice of charcol in my hands, it feels like a foreign object and I have to resist the urge to hurl it at the wall. Catch what I'm throwing?
But I'm trying. Because I am a dedicated artist-e wannabe, I am trying. Hopefully if they don't see all my passion for art in a messy black scrawl, well maybe they will see hope, and defiance, and the fact that I am trying. I am really trying. Therefore, I will share with you pictures of my "drawings" when I am done, because you guys are my backbone. The triangle to my toblerone. The marshmellows to my hot chocolate.
Love, love.. love love love love. ♥

The Aspiring Van Goghette.