Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
send me away with the words of a love song
the human heart is amazing. it can take almost anything- some more weathered and worn than others. this week, my heart has taken its fair share. and to top it all off, i'm writing a song.
but mostly, the thing on my mind is that the season in ingonish is coming to an end again. for years, since i was a little girl, i'd always wanted more time here. and blessedly, i finally got my wish. for one year- one season, i lived in ingonish long enough to see the fall colors, and perhaps even the first snow. it doesn't change how hard the goodbye is. next time i see this place i will be a different person- a university student.
i am a different person. the girl who showed up in ingonish for the summer is long gone.. left in the dust. waiting patiently. maybe i'll see her again, when i need to be reminded. but for the most part.. she is gone.
in her place is a girl who is peaceful.. who has a steadier mind and a clearer vision. this, of course, has come with a heavy price and a heavier heart. who will walk away with a valuable lesson, but will walk away without you. music doesn't sound sweeter and the grass isn't greener on the other side- as far as i know, its a struggle every step of the way to get closure. i thought i wouldn't be paying the price the way you would, but in reality, i am. just in a different way.. at the end of the day, i still don't get you. and as wrong as it is, because you don't deserve me, it still hurts and i still want you here. that will change, it will fade, but when it hits in those moments my god it hurts.
we both made promises, we both said words and we both held on to something that would invariably lead us to today. i don't much like today, but i will look back and smile. i wanted to see you in person, again.. see that crooked smile, feel that comfort and those eyes on me before i let it all disappear and fade. i needed closure- i still need it. i will say goodbye to "our" places, i will walk away no matter how hard it is. some day, i'll even come back. i don't want space, or distance or time.. i want to see you again for a few hours, then i can keep moving.
the heart is an amazing thing. i'm hoping mine knows me well enough to lead me the right way. i'm hoping i know well enough to listen when it does.
but mostly, the thing on my mind is that the season in ingonish is coming to an end again. for years, since i was a little girl, i'd always wanted more time here. and blessedly, i finally got my wish. for one year- one season, i lived in ingonish long enough to see the fall colors, and perhaps even the first snow. it doesn't change how hard the goodbye is. next time i see this place i will be a different person- a university student.
i am a different person. the girl who showed up in ingonish for the summer is long gone.. left in the dust. waiting patiently. maybe i'll see her again, when i need to be reminded. but for the most part.. she is gone.
in her place is a girl who is peaceful.. who has a steadier mind and a clearer vision. this, of course, has come with a heavy price and a heavier heart. who will walk away with a valuable lesson, but will walk away without you. music doesn't sound sweeter and the grass isn't greener on the other side- as far as i know, its a struggle every step of the way to get closure. i thought i wouldn't be paying the price the way you would, but in reality, i am. just in a different way.. at the end of the day, i still don't get you. and as wrong as it is, because you don't deserve me, it still hurts and i still want you here. that will change, it will fade, but when it hits in those moments my god it hurts.
we both made promises, we both said words and we both held on to something that would invariably lead us to today. i don't much like today, but i will look back and smile. i wanted to see you in person, again.. see that crooked smile, feel that comfort and those eyes on me before i let it all disappear and fade. i needed closure- i still need it. i will say goodbye to "our" places, i will walk away no matter how hard it is. some day, i'll even come back. i don't want space, or distance or time.. i want to see you again for a few hours, then i can keep moving.
the heart is an amazing thing. i'm hoping mine knows me well enough to lead me the right way. i'm hoping i know well enough to listen when it does.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
this picture, every element of it-
every element of the ocean.. rollicking and steady
dangerous and beautiful
uncontrollable and peaceful
is exactly how i feel
is exactly how i feel
today, this week, these days
this is me in a photo
more importantly- this is me able to display my emotions through photos
big changes have happened.
big changes are coming
and i am as calm as the ocean waves.
steady.
mums the word
How does one go about writing a song? (Yes, proper writing this time.. supplies!)
This question being, shall we say, "on the table"- along with wasted sheets of paper and many, many words- let us keep in mind that I am a musicians daughter. I am not going about this without experience, or musical ability, or even someone to help out.
I am simply asking- how do you write a song?
I am a writer, I would like to think. I am a photographer, and a musician, and most recently- someone who sketches and draws on notepads and napkins. Yet the thought of writing a song boggles me. (I really did just say boggles).
Maybe its because I can't sort out my thoughts to begin with (thats where you come in, blog!).
I know of love, I know of life, and I know of a place I love to live. This is a recipe for a song- and there are a million melodies out there to suit it.. but the words won't come.
Now that this problem is, as we said, "on the table", I will resume said songwriting and let you know how it goes. Thanks for letting me rant!
Oh, and people who can sit down with a guitar, strum and write a line, then strum again and write another line, and then all of a sudden you have this beautiful music with beautiful lyrics- You are great people with great talent, and I admire that so much.
Wish me luck. and lyrics.
xo
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
and i'll find strength in pain, and i will change my ways
tonight i wished on ten shooting stars.
i realize when you make wishes it is forever the rule that you aren't supposed to tell what you've wished for.. but its my belief its okay to tell if what you've wished for isn't a secret.
my wishes aren't secret at all
they are ten simple things that i wish for every day
wish one is happiness. not to have it without effort, not to force it.. to find it, to be blessed with it.. to be blessed with a million opportunities to stumble upon it. to have it brighten life.. to have it be appreciated.
wish two is love. whether it come easily, effortlessly.. whether i have to fight for it and work for it every day, in every aspect and every way i wish to be able to love.
wish three is faith.. and to have it. even at the worst of times, the lowest of moments. and if i lose sight, to find it again. speaking of..
wish four is balance. to find light in darkness, and vice versa.
wish five is laughter. i realize this relates to happiness. but even when i'm not happy- and even afterwards, to be able to find a little humor in most situations is a great ability.
wish six is luck. whether i be with or without it.. to have a little of it here and there.
wish seven is the big one: strength, and nothing to do with physical strength. i wish to be emotionally strong- to be able to admit i'm wrong, to be able to apologize, to be able to take the fall for the things i have done, and instead turn them into something good. to be humbled for mistakes i make.
wish eight is acceptance- whatever it may be. to rarely take for granted- to realize when i am doing so and be given the chance to change. acceptance to other people- to be understanding and forgiving, in hopes of the same in return.
wish nine is friendship. to be able to have many of them, to be able to be a great friend- to be able to be depended on, be a comfortable place for someone to fall. to be trusted.
and wish ten.. is life. all of it, every aspect, good and bad. the worst of the worst, and best of the best, to love it all. to cry and laugh when necessary, to be able to smile through it all. to never be alone.. to love and be loved, appreciate and be appreciated. to live big, to make mistakes and fulfill dreams. to regret nothing.
ten simple wishes. ten falling stars. no secrets. these days aren't easy- these ten things are getting me through. and i expect if i can see clearly, if i can be reminded of these ten things when need be, but to keep them close each and every day. i am so thankful to be aware.
i realize when you make wishes it is forever the rule that you aren't supposed to tell what you've wished for.. but its my belief its okay to tell if what you've wished for isn't a secret.
my wishes aren't secret at all
they are ten simple things that i wish for every day
wish one is happiness. not to have it without effort, not to force it.. to find it, to be blessed with it.. to be blessed with a million opportunities to stumble upon it. to have it brighten life.. to have it be appreciated.
wish two is love. whether it come easily, effortlessly.. whether i have to fight for it and work for it every day, in every aspect and every way i wish to be able to love.
wish three is faith.. and to have it. even at the worst of times, the lowest of moments. and if i lose sight, to find it again. speaking of..
wish four is balance. to find light in darkness, and vice versa.
wish five is laughter. i realize this relates to happiness. but even when i'm not happy- and even afterwards, to be able to find a little humor in most situations is a great ability.
wish six is luck. whether i be with or without it.. to have a little of it here and there.
wish seven is the big one: strength, and nothing to do with physical strength. i wish to be emotionally strong- to be able to admit i'm wrong, to be able to apologize, to be able to take the fall for the things i have done, and instead turn them into something good. to be humbled for mistakes i make.
wish eight is acceptance- whatever it may be. to rarely take for granted- to realize when i am doing so and be given the chance to change. acceptance to other people- to be understanding and forgiving, in hopes of the same in return.
wish nine is friendship. to be able to have many of them, to be able to be a great friend- to be able to be depended on, be a comfortable place for someone to fall. to be trusted.
and wish ten.. is life. all of it, every aspect, good and bad. the worst of the worst, and best of the best, to love it all. to cry and laugh when necessary, to be able to smile through it all. to never be alone.. to love and be loved, appreciate and be appreciated. to live big, to make mistakes and fulfill dreams. to regret nothing.
ten simple wishes. ten falling stars. no secrets. these days aren't easy- these ten things are getting me through. and i expect if i can see clearly, if i can be reminded of these ten things when need be, but to keep them close each and every day. i am so thankful to be aware.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
i can't thank my friends enough for being there for me lately
they've stuck like glue even when i thought i wanted to be left alone
they've been there waiting when the sadness started and pushed it away before it could get anywhere near me
when its all too much, all too overwhelming
they are there. always.
they've stuck like glue even when i thought i wanted to be left alone
they've been there waiting when the sadness started and pushed it away before it could get anywhere near me
when its all too much, all too overwhelming
they are there. always.
beautiful girl
you are an incredible friend, an incredible person
unbelievably strong- my rock
when things get tough you remind me they'll be alright
but when they aren't we sit it out together
it hasn't been long- two years
but its enough to know i couldn't have made it this far,
come through the changes fighting this strong.. without you.
and you've brought so many other amazing people into my life
we've made mistakes, we've messed up
we've laughed and cried (more on my part)
and you've reminded me over and over to be grateful, to be happy,
to be proud and strong and live in the moment.
i love you elephant size,
thank you for being here.
the script
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change your mind turn it all aroundAnd I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And he'll listen this time even though they're slurred
Dial the number and confess to you
"I'm still in love", but all I heard was nothing.
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