magic

rose cousins

dance if you want to, and i'll sit and watch you
show me the steps you know 
jump high and swing low and dance all night;

drive if you want to and i'll sit beside you
when there's a road to choose from 
we'll choose the right one and drive all night;

and play if you want to and i'll listen when you do
and when you sing a tune, i'll sing along with you
and we'll play all night

and love if you want to, 
cause so many love you
(dance if you want to)

still the happiest girl

 thanks, papa bear :)

they say everybody has a place
an escape
somewhere they can go
where its nothing
.. things can be wrong
things can be going on in life
that drag you down and make you sad..
but there is a place where you go
and all of a sudden
the comfort and the happiness
and the utter joy overwhelms all the bad
and you are not alone.
that is the place, that is the light
that is home..

i love that we share these places.
maybe its what ties us together so tightly.

my heaven on earth

nothing can compare to the feeling of standing on top of a waterfall

so beautiful

when it started out it seemed impossible
a road with strange twists and turns, places we couldn't see
endless questions and what ifs that exist still today
but today
today the butterflies in my stomach are at home
and i'm used to the sudden flight when you say my name
my strong and steady heart is a drum that changes beat
when you smile and laugh
the comfortable peace coming from somewhere inside
resonates even more when i realize its
me that you want
its me you find amazing
its me that makes you feel at home
all the insecurities have washed clean
and i wonder how tightly they clung to begin with
its me you find beautiful.
and its you i want.
not forever, no promises are being spoken
no i never said that word
but its the simple peace of knowing
i want you around.
for as long as possible, for as long as you'll be here
for as long as you'll listen to my words-
softly spoken and intended for you only.
and we'll take it one day at a time
we'll take the changes
i'm willing to try.
this fire in me is lit,
not for any intent or purpose- i didn't try to light it
and neither did you
and maybe thats why it feels like it will last.
the best things in life take you by surprise
and love,
you were the best kind of surprise.

this is home

in this life

for those of you reading this, you most likely know me.

or, if not, by reading my blog you've probably got me pretty figured out.

this year has brought a lot of changes for me, for me and my heart-

as have the past couple years.

i would never pretend that people don't know me-

i would never say that i'm cold or i shut people out,

i'm actually pretty easy to get to know (figuring me out is entirely another story)

but i have been challenged, my heart is strong, and weak, and imperfect

and i am strong, and weak, and imperfect.

i'm not sure in what ways i can explain how i've changed

i know some have been good, others not as much

and some of me has remained the same- stubborn as always.

i blame the changes on people, without really blaming at all,

and i take some of the credit myself, because you can pass up a whole lifetime of lessons,

if you aren't paying attention. so i guess what i'm saying is,

i owe some people some "thank yous", but at the end of the day

i'm proud of myself for paying attention. 

(are you paying attention?)

life is a big deal, at 18. you get faced with a million things flying at you

like a train going breakneck speed, and some days you've really got to wonder where the hell

the breaks are. life has been different for me, i imagine

because i've managed to stay a little to the sidelines of the ordinary-

and i like it that way, even if i haven't asked for it.

the best things in life come without having to be asked for. 

the best things in this life are the surprises, the people that come along without warning

and change you, the people that make you wonder how you got to be so damn lucky.

the best things in life are the mornings you wake up and feel like you'll stop breathing if you

take in any more happiness. like you don't actually need anything but the right here, right now. 

the moments that steal your breath- and you let them.

the people who hold you as close as you hold them- i don't think much feels better than that. 

its the little things, always, that make all other things right.

and all of these things that i'm mentioning are rare, are beautiful, and entirely special-

and even at 18 i've had a lifetime, and in this case, a summer of them.

maybe they aren't so rare, maybe people have just lost the ability to feel and see them all the time,

because they are there. 

i don't know who opened my eyes, but damn, i'd like to thank them.

and with all of those moments, we know, comes the losses and the tragedies, and the hurt.  

its the balance, its the reason we keep moving- keep going..

keep living. 

the truth is, i don't know why the number of my years states i'm 18 but i want to be able to fully appreciate these things, as an adult, without being judged.
i don't think like this sometimes, 

i only think differently sometimes. i love living life with eyes wide open

and because of situations and damages and hurt,

its not always possible. but when it is, i do.

in this life, i've been told a few things that will probably stick with me forever. 

"become what i know you can"

"you're real.. the most real girl i know"

"you can do absolutely anything you put your mind to".

these words have helped me keep going, have made me feel appreciated, so to these three extraordinarily important people in my life, a big thank you.

and to all the rest, you mean the world to me. 

you have all helped change, and brighten my life.

so thank you.

my bear

its strange being a girl with a dog again.

and hes not even technically mine. we are just puppy sitting

he is my pup, my bear, and his name is camo-

but i wake up every morning to him running in my room and jumping on top of me-

possibly the worlds most effective alarm clock

i fall asleep every night to him curled into my side snoring softly with little puppy hums

and i spend my days throwing a ball and being jumped on and smothered in love.

we run on the beach and explore the back woods and he accompanies me faithfully on

every photoshoot.

i've learned that he hates the camera, he will slide his way onto the couch no matter how many times i insist no, he crosses his paws after a long day of running after the ball.. and most recently, he loves apples. literally, loves them. 

so, its strange being a girl with a dog again. but its oddly comforting and i've realized how much i've missed it. he is the best company, the best friend, and unbelievably loyal.

i don't know how i'm going to say goodbye. 

its going to be even stranger being a girl without a dog again.

i love you, bear.

realize

never say never

mine

i just want to reach out

and find you standing there.

instead,

i'll call your name softly

close my eyes..

and wait.

harper simon

shine on, you crazy diamond

ungodly hour

don't talk, don't say a thing
cause your eyes they tell me more than your words
don't go, don't leave me now
cause they say the best way out is through


and am i short on words knowing whats occurred
she begins to leave because of me


her bag is much heavier now
i wish that i could carry her
but this is our ungodly hour


i know you're leaving now
cause i held on to my way tightly
stay still until you know
tommorow finds the best way out is through


this is our ungodly hour


(the fray)

explored

beautiful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRxccy-zcJ8

view out the windshield

continuum

i show how i'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

i can't write about you anymore
i can't listen to one more song and think of how the lyrics suit us
i can't think about you.. one more time
the strings that were once so controlled
that kept me attached to you
have been cut and are floating loose
in an unfamiliar space
i know nothing about this
its so new
did someone else cut them,
or did you?

you think?

so gosh darn beautiful

crazy love

with people you care about,
as you grow and change and learn about yourself,
you begin to fit a certain mold.
you wrap yourself around it and make yourself as big as can be
and shrink yourself so you're comfortable
you make all the adjustments necessary
sometimes these are good
sometimes you fit perfectly
and for some people..
they take pieces of you and when they up and leave
you're left with something unrecognizable
and you can't seem to remember how to get back to the way you were before.
so you have two options:
a) you can try and fix whats left
or
b) you can start a whole new you
fresh starts, new consideration, better view of the world
better outline of what you want and don't want
what you like and dislike.
but then those few people come along
and listen closely..
it doesn't happen to everyone
they walk into your life
by accident, on purpose, by chance
and that mold you've been trying to squeeze yourself into
that person you've been trying to become and wondering about
stops- and reconsiders
when you realize the mold they make for you
is tailor made
is for you, only.
i'm not talking about love, no
i've never been in love.
but i've become comfortable with the idea of it-
familiar with how it feels to care about someone
so deeply you lose where the feeling ends.
this is where those stories come from
the moments people try to imitate and the relationships
people don't know to wish for
because you could never imagine they exist
unless you've known it.
this is lovely, this is beautiful
this is so, incredibly rare
it may not be forever- you don't make promises
but the fact that you've had the chance to feel it at all.
"we have the what movies are made of
and don't you know these aren't silent black and white dreams-
this is loud and colorful as can be
you say slow down honey, let it simmer
cliche- but you make me feel like the morning after winter
burning light finally finding day
baby lets believe this crazy love will find a way"
there isn't world enough to stop it.

black and white dramatic light

i see the moon

the views are all different

the moon looks different from every angle

but its the same one

we fall asleep under the same moon every night-

and thats what i hold on to.
<3

hazy

I have this intense beating, rushing, falling, collapsing feeling
that I have to do something.
I push open the front door and step outside
boots crunching in the late fall leaves..
but its only September
and I don't know where my mind is.
inhaling deeply, I exhale slowly
letting the crisp air fill my lungs
my heart
my entire body
before letting it go.
its incredible.
the dog runs impatiently back and forth
his mouth full of tennis ball and barking noises
his tail wagging happily.
I reach down to pet him but he wants none of it
he drops the ball and runs- ahead of himself-
wild with happiness
I stand under a canopy of light greens
against a dreary sky.
the dog is running after the ball I've just thrown
and I stare up
silhouetted against the seeming October sky
grays spotted with white
are the dark branches spreading wide
fanning themselves over expanses of nothing
free and so tied down- but able to reach so high.
I am an artist, yet I do not wish to paint this
I would consider photographing it
but I can't capture.
if people see it they would never consider how deep this feeling
this emotion inside me runs.
I am too young to feel so big
and I am presently up in the clouds
the tree is my ladder and I'm filled with sadness for leaving it behind
that its roots tie it down
but then I reconsider
and realize I envy its stability.
where would it go if it was free?

hike the highlands: white point to burnt head

CRASH

white point

rain makes the colors brighter.

what a life lesson.

catch my drift?

proud

I used to always admire the people who would come into the bureau and tell me they were doing Hike the Highlands.. this year? I was part of it.

early mornings

meaningful

wait there- 

just enough to see you smile,

i mixed up

the distance of the miracle mile.

rogue wave (publish my love)

crunch

maybe i just like the colors

micro miracles