hazy

I have this intense beating, rushing, falling, collapsing feeling
that I have to do something.
I push open the front door and step outside
boots crunching in the late fall leaves..
but its only September
and I don't know where my mind is.
inhaling deeply, I exhale slowly
letting the crisp air fill my lungs
my heart
my entire body
before letting it go.
its incredible.
the dog runs impatiently back and forth
his mouth full of tennis ball and barking noises
his tail wagging happily.
I reach down to pet him but he wants none of it
he drops the ball and runs- ahead of himself-
wild with happiness
I stand under a canopy of light greens
against a dreary sky.
the dog is running after the ball I've just thrown
and I stare up
silhouetted against the seeming October sky
grays spotted with white
are the dark branches spreading wide
fanning themselves over expanses of nothing
free and so tied down- but able to reach so high.
I am an artist, yet I do not wish to paint this
I would consider photographing it
but I can't capture.
if people see it they would never consider how deep this feeling
this emotion inside me runs.
I am too young to feel so big
and I am presently up in the clouds
the tree is my ladder and I'm filled with sadness for leaving it behind
that its roots tie it down
but then I reconsider
and realize I envy its stability.
where would it go if it was free?